so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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