I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
