I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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