new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
