On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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