Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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