I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
