Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
