I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
