I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
