She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize