So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
