Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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