So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
