Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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