Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Still dying that you shit outside
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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