So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My vagina just recognized that song.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
