I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
