it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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