yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
only you would photoshop your dick
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
