she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
