the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
be right there i have to get my cape
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
