Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize