you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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