We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
