I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do vagina's smell?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
