I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
