Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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