So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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