i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
