I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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