I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
