U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
