I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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