it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
