last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
