Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
