tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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