so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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