I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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