You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
