My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
