turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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