it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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