so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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