The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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