I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
