they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
