I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize