Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
