her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
