I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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