We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
