How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
