You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
