My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
