I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
