You can't motorboat a personality
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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