i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
