between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
