He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
