Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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