I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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