census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
