i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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