thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
