There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
