Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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