My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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