im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
