Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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