If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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