dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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