do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
