You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
BRING THE BAGELS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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