Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
