You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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