I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
